Open Mouth... Insert Foot

"So anyways...
we should probably just be friends."

Sean broke up with me. He said it wasn't working. He said something else about the distance. I was in too much of a shock and trying to choke back the tears because I was at work to pay attention. He didn't have the common decency not to do it while I was working, but whatever. I spent all day brooding over it and just left work furious instead of depressed or sad.

"This just isn't working."

Well, no shit, Sherlock. That's why I wrote you that letter so we could work through it. It's not that it's not working. It's that you don't want to make the effort work through it. You love me more than anything in your entire life, but I'm not worth the effort to work through our issues? I was worth spending shit tons of money on, but not worth spending the effort to make things better? You are cool with me letting you cum into my ass, but you run at the first sight of me letting you come into my head and soul? Since when is that love and respect? Son, I hope you fucking learn to stop treating women like prostitutes.

Yeah, I spoke up for myself. We aren't in high school any more, sweetheart. I have learned from you hurting me before. I learned to speak up for myself. I learned that I have a fucking voice and I don't have to take your bullshit in silence and obedience. And I didn't. And you show me exactly how you are by taking this speaking up for myself and instead of embracing it as something positive, you ran, like a fucking coward.

And what more have I learned about you? NOTHING. You never let me in. I am the one who openly admits that I have a titanium casing more than a couple layers deep over my heart, but I still tried to let you in. You one the other hand had all the love to throw around, but you could never really let me in to see who you truly are. I could never trust you because you never let me fucking see you. You constantly kept an air of mystery about you. No wonder things wouldn't work. We were just slamming two titanium covered wrecking balls of hearts against one another. I open up my heart and head a little and let you know what I am thinking and feeling and you fleed, like a fucking coward.

And my little sister hates you. I was depressing my best friend in the entire fucking world because she thought we were going to get married and last forever. Everyone thought it was going to last. Everyone, that is, but me. It was too fucking good to be true and we just started falling into the same patterns we did in high school. But I made an effort to break the patterns, and you ditched me, like a fucking coward.

I leave you with these words from Alanis, Sean. It just wasn't working out "cause the love that you gave... that we made wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide. No."

It's fucking double time, Samantha. Eat, breathe, move, think. You have your life. You have yourself. You have a beautiful fucking sun outside. And, damn girl, you've got some fucking determination.